Hail Sheriff!
by Jacqui Doodle
Summary: The Sheriff of Nottingham creates a way to increase his popularity but to no avail.


**This story was my first attempt to write a Guy fanfic. Originally written in Dutch but finally translated into English. It was first looked at by BarbWill with the help of a translating program on her pc, but some of the words were translated to literally.. I hope I've managed to create a proper translation, it may be flawed here and there. The style in the original was that of a childrens novel for I hardly read literature.**

"Gisborne!"

The sheriff's in an excellent mood today.

"Gisborne!"

The cheery sound of Vaizey's voice travels through the castle.

"Gizzy, Gizzy, Gizzy!"

"The Sheriff needs me," Guy of Gisborne sighs reluctantly to one of his guards. " I'd better go to him…"

The sheriff comes down the staircase.

"Gisborne, I have a pretty job for you."

"What is it now, my Lord? Collecting taxes, terrorizing villagers?" Gisborne says it somewhat sneering.

"No, Gisborne, no! I have something even better in mind."

Guy can hardly imagine what that could be.

"Come Gisborne, there's someone here I'd like you to meet."

The sheriff and Guy walk over to the sheriff's quarters where a flashily dressed man is waiting. He stands and makes an obsequious bow to the sheriff. Guy dislikes him immediately.

"Gisborne, I'd like you to meet the renowned portrait painter, Ysbrandt von Steijn."

"Ysbrandt von Steijn?", Guy mumbles, unable to hide the sneer in his voice.

"..And he will paint a portrait", the sheriff declares. "Not just any portrait, but a portrait of ME."

"Oh… really…", Gisborne smiles, trying to hide his amusement.

"In fact, the portrait is already complete."

In the chamber, something is hidden under a cloth.

"Pay attention Gisborne."

The sheriff removes the large cloth, unveiling a portrait of a proud Lord Vaizey staring back at them from the canvas.

"It's a … perfect likeness..," says Guy, attempting to sound admiring.

"Exactly, Gisborne, those aristocratic features, the virile masculinity.. Well, anyway, Ysbrant will paint a few more...about 50."

"Fifty?" Guy repeats the number, astonished. "Do you plan to decorate the castle with those.. portraits?"

"A clue...noooo", the sheriff answers in a quasi cheerful way, "But I will need your help."

"Mine?", Gisborne raises an eyebrow, still puzzled what the sheriff wants precisely.

"Do you want me to hang them for you My Lord?"

"No, Gisborne, your task is to see to it that this will happen."

"I see." Gisborne sounds relieved.

"You're going to all the villages", the sheriff continues.

"The villages?"

"Yes Gisborne the villages. On every square, at every gateway, at each well MY portrait will hang! As people pass my lovely face each day they will love me, Gisborne."

The sheriff is delighted with the thought already and sentimentally says: "They will be able to behold the man who watches over them with their own eyes."

"I think the people already know who you are", Guy mumbles.

"Yes, but this way they will learn to know and love me even more!"

"And as they pass your portrait each day, will they be expected to bow to it?" Guy sneers.

"What did you say, Gisborne? That sounds like a marvellous idea to me!" The sheriff is delighted.

Gisborne realises he has said something foolish.

"Yes, Gisborne, they must _bow _to my portrait!"

"And how do we assure this, place a guard next to every portrait?" Guy tries to object.

"Naturally, Gisborne."

"I don't think we have enough guards to spare.." Gisborne complains.

"No excuses, Gisborne, do as I say."

Guy sighs. The sheriff's increasing vanity has obviously gone to his head.

"You know Gisborne, I would like to be honoured such as the old Roman emperors." the sheriff fantasizes, "In a large stadium. Imagine, Gisborne!"

The sheriff stood, arms raised, as if before a large crowd, receiving homage.

Gisborne laughs, sniggering as he turns his head aside and mumbles. "Only greetings of prosperity, certainly?"

"What did you say, Gisborne?"

"Nothing."

"Only wishes of prosperity? You are full of grand ideas today, Gisborne. Must be the influence of your new paramour!"

Recently Guy had been dallying with the Sheriff's niece, Hazel.

"The people who walk past my portrait each day must call out: 'hail to the sheriff, prosperity to the sheriff!'"

Guy thought the whole idea ridiculous idea but could think of no way to stop to it.

Gisborne is sent out with a cart full of portraits, a couple of carpenters and a dozen soldiers. With oppressed reluctance he informs the villagers what the Sheriff new orders were. He coughs a few times to get into his part of the ruthless oppressor.

"Here, on this spot, a portrait of the sheriff of Nottingham will be placed. YOU will give this portrait each day wishes for prosperity. You will raise your right arm and pay homage to the sheriff with wishes for prosperity."

Gisborne orders a soldier to show the villagers how to pay homage to the portrait.  
When the soldier mumbles too much, Guy shouts: "Louder!"

The soldier tries again and is now more clearly heard.

"That's better", Sir Guy says, satisfied.  
The villagers are confused. They do not exactly know what to think of it.

"When are we supposed to.. _pay_ this.. 'homage'? In the morning, afternoon or evening?" one of the villagers dares to ask.

Guy, to make his point, rides over to the questioner.

"Each time you pass the portrait or see it, you runt!", Guy barks making the villager stepping back in fear." It's what the sheriff wishes! So remember, a guard will be placed to make sure you do."

When Gisborne and his men have left the village to return to Nottingham, the villagers are left behind astonished and confused. One guard, an older man, has remained to guard the portrait and watch the folk.

When the outlaws learn about this new order of the Sheriff to honour him they wonder what can be done against it. Preposterous! A portrait to bow to every moment of the day!

"It's just a new oppressive rule! What must we do master?" asks Much, still outraged.

"For the moment, nothing", Robin decides. "We'll just have to wait and see, Much.."

While Robin and his men are debating the issue a woman in a nearby town decides to act. A guard stands next to the portrait, chewing on a carrot. Carrying a large bucket of water with both her hands the woman comes back from the brook. She passes the guard and walks through.

"Oi!" the guard calls, annoyed. He motions to the portrait and orders: "Pay homage!"

"I.. I was looking at the ground! I did not see the portrait!'' the woman stammers.

"You walked past it didn't ya' ? Pay homage!"

"But.. I have to carry this heavy bucket!"

"You can put it down, can't ya' ?"

"But.. I bowed already!"

"No excuses, missy! Pay homage!" The guard gives the woman a mean look..

Reluctantly she has to follow the order. The soldier laughs, enjoying his dominant role. He chews on the carrot again and spits a piece of it into the bucket. He laughs.

"For 't soup" he says with a vile smirk. The woman glares at him and walks on.

The Sheriff, meanwhile, is in good spirits.

"Imagine Gisborne, every moment of the day someone in this region is praising me. Isn't it wonderful?"

Gisborne sighs. Vaizey is acting like a megalomaniac, he thought, but there was nothing he could do..

But then.. Something happens:  
One of the Locksley villagers could not bare it any longer. To see Vaizey's face every day, the man responsible for torturing his beloved father to death! Enraged he puts a burning torch to the portrait! The dozing guard wakes up with a start. What should he do? Dowse out the fire, or seize the culprit? He chooses the latter and puts the man in irons. Gisborne is warned. He has to provide the sheriff with the bad news. But Vaizey doesn't seem upset at all. Guy is astonished.

"Well.. That's annoying," the Sheriff says unstirred while cleaning his nails.

"Yes, it's a shame…" he continues with a lazy voice.

Guy looks surprised.

"Haven't you told them, Gisborne?"

"Told them what, my lord?" Guy asks sensing there has to be a catch…

"Touching or destroying my portrait is punishable by death.."

"Oh God," Guy groans. He had suspected something like this.

"Did I forget to tell you this Gisborne? Oops, forgot. Ah well a minor detail. So when do we hang him? Wednesday? No, then you're courting Hazel. Sunday? The Lord's Day? No better not. Saturday? You're free on Saturday, Gisborne? Monday? Yes Monday. A day to start a clean slate..."

Guy has to announce the hanging. The outlaws of course are shocked and concoct a cunning plan to rescue the poor man..

Meanwhile Gisborne crosses the castle's yard. Ysbrandt, the artist, watches him from the gallery, sketching on some parchment. He nods at the master at arms, smiling. Guy feels nauseated. Yuck, the man was making eyes at him! He sees Hazel and complains to her about the attention the artist is giving him.

"Well, maybe he fancies you. You do look so… _Masculine_ in those leathers," Hazel says cheekily.

Guy makes a gesture showing her his disgust.

"Oh, don't let it bother you. Just don't pay any attention. Come, I've prepared a nice vegetable soup and olive bread."

"Oh great, everything better than goat's brains".

"Goat's brains?"

"That's what the Saracens eat."

"Yuck"

Guy laughs.

The day of the execution arrives. Robin Hood's men have thought up a sly plan and hid themselves in and around the castle. The Sheriff appears on the square steps. Next to Guy, the prisoner stands between 2 guards. The poor lads face shows fear for the things to come. But where is Hazel hiding? She's looking down on them from the gallery. Guy gives her a wink but than he notices the artist who again nods at him. Was he smiling at him amorously? Guy wonders. Slightly hurt in his male pride he turns his head. Vaizey starts his monologue:

"Dear people," he begins. "Before we will commence with the lovely hanging of this disrespectful boy.!"

The sheriff gives the poor prisoner a slap. Guy sneers for a second but then looks disapprovingly aside.

"I want to instruct you people. Respect is an important thing. Especially the respect you should have for ones better. For Prince John. The law. And I sense that you lovely people don't entirely understand this yet. For this reason we will practise."

The sheriff points to the wall where a cloth hangs. Behind that cloth a life-size portrait is hidden. Vaizeys portrait.

"People, my good friend Gisborne has already explained it to you all. But nevertheless I wish to explain it to you again. When the cloth falls I want all of you, and that means EVERYONE, to raise your right arm and shout 'Praise to the Sheriff!'. Now that shouldn't be so difficult, don't you think? Do we understand it all, hmm? Ready for the unveiling? Brilliant! Let the cloth come down!"

From the towers the sound of trumpets and a roll of drums are heard. Slowly the cloth is lowered. As proud as a peacock the sheriff watches the populace. Then he closes his eyes awaiting the fulfilment of his fantasy…  
The mob is ready to raise its right arm. But then.. nothing happens. People look up astonished, bewildered. Shrugging their shoulders. What's going on? Don't they understand it? Surprised and offended the Sheriff turns to Gisborne, who looks just as astonished. Then they both turn round and finally see what is wrong. Instead of beholding the splendid proud head of the sheriff they are looking at a macho image of Gisborne!

What?? The Sheriff doesn't know where to look!

"Gisborne? Gisborne?? Gisborne!!"

But Guy is equally astonished. He never set eyes on this painting before!

Than something begins to dawn upon the sheriff..

"Hazel? Where is Hazel? "

But Hazel is nowhere to be found. She thought it better to be well out of the way for it is she who pulled the sheriff this prank. She hid herself somewhere behind the battlements, doubled up by laughter.

"Hazel!! Hazel!!" The sheriff is furious and starts scolding and yelling.

"You blathering.. Blasted.. Wench of a girl! I'm going to cut all you hair! I'll have you clipped! Hazel!!"

Cursing and swearing the sheriff disappears into the castle. Guy allows himself a smile. Well, he's not to blame and actually he feels a bit proud. The painter makes a humble curtsy to him. Instead of feeling disgusted Guy feels filled with pride. Hazel meanwhile has trouble regaining her composure. She played a great trick on the Sheriff. Hazel requested the painter to paint Guy's portrait and Ysbrandt preferred this more interesting assignment to painting the bald features of the sheriff. When Hazel has recovered a bit from her girlish giggling, she appears from behind the battlement and shouts:

"Praise lord Gisborne! Praise him! Praise him! Praise him!"

She plays it as affected as her uncle usually does. People start laughing and Guy's face shows a grin too. Spontaneous applause sounds. People love it now the sheriff has been humiliated. From behind the battlements Hazel blows kisses at Gisborne.  
"Praise Gisborne! Praise Gisborne! Praise! Praise! Ha Ha Ha"

Squalling gushingly like a devoted pop fan.

Meanwhile the prisoner, filled with anguish still stands on the steps. Is there going to be a hanging or not? But Guy has lost the desire to execute this terrible dead.

"Untie him!" he orders.

The young prisoner looks at him astonished. So do the guards.

"Untie him!" Gisborne repeats the order to his soldiers who soon have the lad unchained.

"Go on, go home" Guy gestures to him.

What? He can go? Gisborne gives him a friendly nod.

Quickly the boy runs off. Filled with pride Guy looks at his life-size portrait once again before he goes off to look for Hazel. And Robin and his men can return home as well.  
_Their services are no longer required!_


End file.
